The Teacher As Connector: Belonging
“Structures are never neutral. They’re always doing some work. So, how do we organize structures to support, and celebrate, and facilitate our connectivity…our belongness? And in doing so that means that those structures have to be open to be revised because as new people come in, they bring with them their lives, their stories, their dreams.”
How can we help students have a sense of belonging without losing themselves?
How can we help students to know themselves and embrace their own path?
How do we create a safe place that allows for connectivity?
It takes more than just what I am sharing in this post, that’s for sure. I was overwhelmed when researching belonging. There are so many rich resources out there on this subject. Some discuss othering and belonging, some are about not losing yourself in order to belong, etc. Feeling you don’t belong can be related to many variables including race, religion, culture, language, socioeconomic status, personality, interests, self-esteem, etc. You will learn more about belonging from john a. powell or the movie The Hate You Give, than you can learn from me. My focus in this post is to share some of my experiences with belonging and not belonging, as well as give an example from my classroom when all students were able to shine and feel they belonged.
Be Present and Listen…It Matters to Your Students
For me, even as an adult, one reason I may feel I don’t belong is when people are too involved with themselves and their worries to listen, be present, and be kind. One example from my own life happened recently when I tried a new physical therapist due to being able to go with no copay through the town in which I work. This physical therapist was different from the others. She was able to quickly assess the range of motion for my lower back disc issues and find just the right stretches and exercises that have greatly reduced my pain for the long term. However, I never felt welcome there due to the demeanor of the head therapist/owner working with me. She was very no nonsense, which I don’t mind, but she was also intense, stressed, sometimes snapped at me when she spoke, and she rarely cracked a smile. When she did it was not with me, it was when talking to a colleague.
My rational mind can understand that her behavior probably had nothing to do with me and I know to not take it personally. However, that didn’t stop me from feeling what I felt when I was there. I felt apologetic for taking up her time and was uncomfortable asking any follow up questions. I left there feeling stressed and I found it to be a little toxic. For whatever reason, I felt like I was just another thing for her to “handle.”
Once I was better and had exercises to continue at home to maintain the relief, I stopped going there and headed back to my regular PT. They work on my jaw and neck issues, mostly. They are friendly and stop to say hello even when they are working with other patients. The owners are just as busy or maybe busier than the other office, but they are warm and funny. They smile. Depending on the day I go, there are two therapists that work with me. We share a love of movies and sarcasm. I have no idea if I had anything in common with the other therapist because she never asked about me and I wouldn’t dare waste her time asking about her. That little bit of care and presence makes a difference. I haven’t been there in months due to Covid and I miss them. What a difference!
I am sure the other owner/therapist did not mean to come off that way, but she did. I am an adult and she doesn’t have to worry about me crying or throwing a tantrum when I feel I don’t belong. It isn’t home, hanging out with friends, or school, so I don’t need to feel all warm and fuzzy to get my physical therapy. I would have kept going, if necessary, in order to get better, despite the icky vibes.
It just makes me think about how students would feel if I walked around with a stern face all the time. It wouldn’t be because of them; it would be due to all the things I have to get done. However, I am sure they would take it personally and not want to be there, just like I didn’t want to be at this PT office for any longer than I had to be. This is one reason teachers say they are always “on.” It doesn’t mean we are fake; it means we are present, patient, and positive as much as possible when with our students. It’s exhausting sometimes, especially for an introvert like me, but it is vital. An important step to feeling you belong is people caring enough to be present for you.
“Focusing on social support alone won’t raise human functioning or produce optimal student performance. Mere presence of friendly staff, supportive faculty, or friends do little to build belonging or foster success. It’s when social support helps the individual feel cared about, thought of, or like they belong that real magic happens.”
Let Each Student Shine
I strive to get to know my students and help them shine in their way. There are so many different ways to do this. My goal is to make sure everyone is heard in every subject area, every day. I don’t always reach that goal, but it is in the forefront of my mind when planning and teaching. There are many ways to encourage dialogue in the classroom and allow for student voice such as turn and talks, whole class meetings, voting, discussions, small group work, etc. Whenever possible, I want students to discuss, debate, and enjoy each other’s ideas.
Another way to help students shine is to take on a project as a class. I have a theater background and have led after school drama clubs in the past. I use elements of drama in my teaching all the time. A few years ago, I posed this question to my third graders in the spring, “Are you interested in putting on a play?” All the students were very excited. This particular group of students was very into writing. They had been writing a class newspaper for months, and they chose to write the entire play themselves. This was a powerful team building opportunity and the class seemed much closer afterwards because, as individuals, they felt “seen.”
There were script writing committees and every student contributed to writing the play. These third graders were not the fastest at typing yet, so I did the typing. I also guided the students to make sure there was a beginning, middle, and end, and that characters wanted something, had obstacles, and solved their problem/s in the end.
Of course, not everyone wanted to be the lead in the play. Some students were more interested in working on the sets and props, others designed the program or helped me decide on the music and sound effects to use. Students had opportunities for leadership in directing and choreographing.
Many of my students loved the teamwork that came during the transitions from scene to scene. Students who were psyched to be on set crew were vocal about their ideas of the quickest, smoothest way to, for example, get the table and chairs off the stage for the next scene. These students were normally quiet in class, so seeing them lead was exciting. They were great with the visual/spatial piece of putting on a show. The students appreciated each other’s talents, and for some, this was their first time being truly seen by their classmates. It made me realize this kind of project work with students shouldn’t wait until the spring. Teamwork opportunities are priceless for a sense of belonging.
The following year, I asked the same question of my class. They all wanted to do a play but had no interest in writing it themselves. This group was full of students who liked to act, dance, sing, and goof off on stage. I gathered many options of plays for them to read through and they settled on a silly version of The Tortoise and the Hare. However, we were in the middle of our persuasive writing unit. One of my students, during writing class, realized that we could use the call-to-action idea in commercials for our play. They then got busy creating fake businesses related to the play characters. In groups, they wrote commercials and critiqued them to see which ones were the most persuasive. These commercials became the transitions in our play. One included a full dance number for a commercial about a dance studio. It is powerful when students can shine and feel that their ideas are valued by their teacher and classmates.
Work on Identity Building
This is important work that I have written about in past posts. I recommend, again, Sara K. Ahmed’s amazing book Being the Change. It is what I will be using to start designing an identity “unit” for the fall. Starting the year with identity work is a good start, but this work gets revisited throughout the year and is added on to frequently.
Work on Social Emotional Learning
This is the topic of next week’ post. It is so important to do this work and be consistent and patient with students. I will share resources on growth mindset, mindfulness, trauma, anxiety, behavior plans and more.
Perspective and Inspiration
In my research on belonging, I found such powerful quotes and videos that I felt the need to curate them in one place. So, unlike my other posts, I am ending this one with an organized series of videos and quotes that I feel are vital in understanding belonging. I apologize for the profanity in some of the videos. I hope these videos and quotes will help you gain a new perspective about belonging and inspire you to act.
“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”
“Fitting in makes you an expert at doing what other people want. Stop trying to be accepted where you’re not allowed to fulfill your own desires. Belonging is all about actualizing your potential.”
“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williamson”
“When inclusive education is fully embraced, we abandon the idea that children have to become ‘normal’ in order to contribute to the world. We begin to look beyond typical ways of becoming valued members of the community, and in doing so, begin to realize the achievable goal of providing all children with an authentic sense of belonging.”
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”
“What has become clear is that education for critical consciousness coupled with anti-racist activism that works to change all our thinking so that we construct identity and community on the basis of openness, shared struggle, and inclusive working together offers us the continued possibility of eradicating racism. ”